I had a bit of a rough week with Emmett. I'll be honest. I was not joyful, or content, or even the least bit at peace with being a stay at home mama. He didn't sleep very well (but for one night of a solid 10 hours surprisingly), was refusing to eat, and was just generally clingy/fussy. I'd been looking forward to attending the mom's group on Thursday morning that has started to be a beam of light in my weeks, not just for the fellowship and prayer, but also for the opportunity to have some time to myself. I was ready for Emmett to try the nursery for the first time ever, after weeks of observing their system, feeling comfortable with the women who would be watching him, and carefully packing detailed instructions that morning. My pager went off to come back down and check on him after only about 25 minutes. I rushed down and heard him crying hysterically from down the hall and scooped him up in my arms and covered his little face in kisses and wiped his tears away and rocked him to quiet him down. He started getting fussy any time I made a movement towards leaving him, so I brought him back into my mom's group, tears stinging in my eyes for having seen him that upset, but also in deep selfishness/exhaustion for just wanting a little bit of time to myself.
Neil is watching Emmett all day today so that I can have the day 'off' to recharge. I am having a chance to do things I've been wanting to do for a long time (try a Zumba class, sit in a coffee shop and write, treat myself to a healthy lunch out without baby hands grabbing at my plate), but also to reflect on this past week. I want to figure out how I can try to change my heart to feel more content with this place I am in life right now and be at peace with where the Lord has me. The biggest struggle at the moment is the lack of sleep, and the lack of time to remember who I am outside of 'mama.'
A passage from Philippians 4 came up in my devotional study on Thursday (I'm doing a SheReadsTruth 18-day study to try to get back into the habit of quiet time with the Lord). I've been chewing on this passage a lot since then. Also, the highlight of this week has been strapping Emmett into his carrier and going for quiet walks on the farm to pray and breathe in the spring that is in the mountain air.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4: 4-7
What are the little adventures or words that have filled your heart this week?